This is one of the blog posts where my fingers are doing all of the talking…. I was moved to write the title and am now moved by my fingers on what to say. As humans, we are put on this earth to serve a purpose. I believe that. Some seem to find their purpose early on; some by the time they finish high school; others after college —- then there are those that seem to never find their way. A lost soul of sorts. That’s me.
While I am not a doctor, psychologist, or anything in between, I am an individual who has been on the receiving end of some very hurtful acts on the mind, spirit, and soul. Some of you reading this may not think that is very serious, because it is not physical abuse (which, please know and understand is extremely serious and the fuckers that lay their hands on women need their hands removed themselves…) — but the type of emotional and verbal abuse can some times run much deeper than the physical; thus scarring a person indefinitely. Abuse of any kind changes people. It changes who you are, it changes who you thought you wanted to be, it changes who you were, it changes your view on people, places, and things. What used to matter doesn’t; what never mattered now does. Life seems to simplify. Emotional and verbal abuse runs deep — and, because it is “invisible” to the human eye, it doesn’t seem as important. Think of it like a person with a disability. Someone who is blind or deaf is not thought of as being as disabled as someone who may be a paraplegic. Feel free to argue this point with me — as I know from what I speak.
This is part of what’s wrong with society: They see what they want to see and don’t seem to pay attention to what the don’t see (or don’t want to see). Makes me crazy!!! These are the same people who complain about today’s youth and the trouble they cause. Did you ever stop to look at the reason WHY the kids are doing what they are doing? Why they are getting in to trouble in the first place? As humans, we are so quick to judge based on the immediate evidence; instead, we should collect all of the evidence — and that means taking the time (yes, actually taking the time) to put your pulse on the root of the problem. I am talking to parents, teachers, court systems, and society in general.
Every single one of us has done one thing or another in life that has caused us to fall short of the law, the Lord, or integrity — Yes, EVEN YOU!!! That woman you met on your way home from work and had “drinks” with (while you told your wife you worked late); The hand-full of highlighters and/or office supplies that mysteriously landed in your Tote on your way out the door from work (How’d those get in there???); Going 80 in a 60 MPH zone on the highway with an excuse all planned out and tissues at the ready -”just in case you get pulled over.” To the more serious offences: Swearing under Oath to abide by the rules you will “follow” once in office — only to end up on the front page news for being dishonest. The list goes on and intensifies along the way — but you get the idea. We all have our faults — every one of us! If that is the case, then why isn’t society aligned with the Word. Regardless of your belief system, the bottom line is love and compassion - “Do unto others…” Those few words seem to have hollow meaning and appear to have been removed from any and all language base. I simply do not understand where kindness, love, empathy, and compassion have gone. I really don’t.
Church: That means different things to different people. Some people take pride in going to “Church” (the quotes are necessary), as they are just entering a building that happens to be called a church. They say it so lackadaisical — as they do when they say they are going to the store. It’s a place they go with little or no meaning. They do not attend, nor are they of the Church: Where the Word is voluntarily received and flows fearfully through the veins of those ready to receive the Word. This is not something you can buy – while money is both welcomed and encouraged for tithing, it will NOT make you of the Church… that has to come within – you have to want it, need it, fear it, breathe it…. It must come from your heart, soul, and spirit. The very heart, soul, and spirit that have been broken, lied to, hurt, jilted, rejected, destroyed, and everything in between. This is the HEALING PLACE. The place where all PPO, HMO, NOPO are welcome. There is one catch though — you have to be ready to receive. You have to be at the lowest point where the only place left to go is up…otherwise, you will just “go” to the building known as a church.
I went to church (yes, the building) for 20 years and got nothing out of it. Actually, it was a waste of my Saturday evening –Sorry God… I did not know then what I know now! At the time, I did not think I needed to go: I was Christian, after all — and a Catholic. My in-laws were “upstanding Catholic
hypocrits citizens” That makes me of the Church, right!!?? Wrong! I am well aware of that now — but back then, I had no clue and was just irritated that it took so dang long — it was like the longest hour of my life…. (I am happy to report that I left the Catholic Church and now attend a Baptist Church — what denomination doesn’t matter — what matters is that you find a Church that speaks to you. A Church that makes you want to stay until you are kicked out. A Church that makes you cry just from sitting there — as if the Lord is sitting either on your lap or right next to you… then the Lord gently ushers you up to the Alter–as if He is saying, “Walk with me and just stand.” I get chills from just thinking about it. For those of you nodding your head, you know what I mean— you have been there. You “get it”. For those of you that are about ready to delete this and think I am some kind of crack pot — I double dawg dare you to delete it…. Because that means you go to church (instead of Church) and struggle to understand what the hell I am talking about. It’s OK – God is still working on you — but believe me when I say — YOU WILL KNOW WHEN HE IS READY FOR YOU TO LISTEN… So, my advice to you is to LISTEN when he speaks!!
I have fallen short of the law, the Lord, and integrity — I am still an amazing person with a tender soul, have a wonderful warm and caring heart, and will still help the bastards that hurt me if I see them broken down on the side of the road — Because that is the person God wants me to be. Even when you fall short, you need to take responsibility and ownership: I have done both. Yet the fact remains that society holds the purse strings (except during election year…) on the imperfect… the same society that goes to church (not Church) every weekend. They religiously are “religious” when they are with their “religious” worshipers at church — but come Monday morning, they are crucifying the imperfect and condemning those that have fallen short… See, here’s the thing: Everyone has a choice: You can wake up and choose to be mean (takes more energy, by the way) – or – You can wake up and choose to be
nice kind. I almost said nice, but then anyone can be nice (Hitler was nice to some people) nice is what you do, kind is who you are.
What I thought was my passion did not seem to be God’s passion for me. He snatched me up in order to get my attention – he literally turned my life upside down. While there, I learned to: Let go and let God, just stand, appreciate mercy, understand grace, and learn what it means to have faith. As a result, I know believe my intended passion is to help others that have been or are going through. I am a fierce advocate and have been the underdog, teased, belittled, verbally and emotionally abused by the very person that was supposed to put me on a pedestal. Instead, he made it his goal to drag me down and was furious when he learned it did not destroy me. No one should have to endure mean – no one. And if I have anything to say or do about it, no one will.
Everyone deserves to be loved; but instead, many are misunderstood.
Society needs to desperately align itself with the Word — until then, this country will continue to be a hot ass mess!!!!!!!!!!