Sex: It is a topic often times misunderstood, talked about too little, or talked about too much — depending on your thought process, belief system and/or how you view yourself. Unless you are Dr. Joyce Brothers, for those of you choosing to read this (men or women), I believe it will be of some benefit. Now is the time to navigate away from this page or keep reading — as the information will be candid – yet necessary if you are breathing and in some type of relationship (or considering being in any type of relationship where sex will take place).
For some, sex is like food, water and air — a necessity – part of who they are. They know what they like and know how to please their partner. For others, sex is a three-letter word that is rarely discussed, rarely acted out, and rarely –if ever– enjoyed…almost as if a requirement for reproduction purposes only. Very dry – and very to the point.
So what’s the big deal? Why am I even blogging about sex? Because it is such an important topic that is not talked about enough…and because I am actually trying to help you out, that’s why. A lot of people believe “sex is just sex” — and wonder what the big deal is. The big deal is that sex can be so much more. Sex is what you make it.
I don’t care what anyone says — sex IS one of the required pillars for a sound relationship. Ladies: if your man, hubby or boyfriend isn’t getting it from you – you can bet he is getting it somewhere. I don’t mean to sound hurtful or harsh — I’m saying you need to open your eyes. I was that wife that never expected, thought, or believed my husband — MY HUSBAND — would do that to me. He “got it” a few times a week— sometimes a few times a month….but he got it. He should be happy and satisfied, right? WRONG!
It’s important to take a minute (or longer if necessary) to learn and understand your mate and their thought process. Ladies need to know how a man thinks (and that they think most times with the head in their pants — sorry, but it’s the truth)… and that just about every seven days (7 days, ladies) their testosterone levels rise again…. causing the “urge” to be right there with their flag flying high and standing at attention. By being in tune with your “man,” you can better understand and satisfy his needs. “What about my needs? I need to be left alone!” Then don’t be married. Or if you insist on being left alone or only “giving it up” when either you feel like it or by limiting his intake, you can bet he will go outside of the relationship to fill the need.
I seriously do not understand most relationships today — I can’t tell you how often I am approached by men that are either in a relationship or married. I have learned to ask that straight up and right away. The answer is always…”yes, but…I don’t get any at home.” I don’t understand that — I really don’t. I don’t understand why people get married or continue to stay in a relationship when they are not committed 100%. Either you are in 100 or you are out 100. This isn’t horse-shoes where close is good enough… If you are going to cross that line and cheat — honey, keep it movin’ and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Cheat on me once, shame on you; cheat on me twice, shame on me. It was shame on me several times over — I finally got rid of my ex and had to reassess my own sexual self.
This is what I discovered: I spent most of my married life as a conservative wife — especially, in the bedroom. I didn’t want him to think I was any kind of way. It was routine and short (puns intended everywhere you can imagine) which = BORING. There was little or no communication — and when there was, it was one sided….it was him telling me what HE wanted… he never asked what I wanted. It was a chore, not an act. It was reluctant and dreaded– not beautiful, hot, steamy and everything our freak side thinks it should and can be.
Yes, ladies, I said freak side. Men have them (some more than others); women have them (yes, even you!). We all have them; however, for some strange reason we are afraid or unwilling to tap into, acknowledge and– God forbid– act on our inner freak. Why is that? That is what I want to discuss — or at least leave you thinking about. See, if everyone would just understand and accept the fact that sex is a required pillar in a sound relationship — instead of thinking it’s an optional add-on, there would be less strife at home. It’s a win-win for all. Sometimes, I think we are our own worst enemy when it comes to sex or the problems in a relationship. Now you know I love you, ladies, and we need to stick together; however, I’m trying to help you out. Experience can be a motherfucker some times…..
Men are not free from blame here — not at all. In fact, they are much of the blame. When a man takes a wife, the man gets tripped up in the title. She is a wife now — and maybe will eventually be (if not already) a mother. Wives and mothers aren’t freaky (this is their thought process — I have interviewed plenty of men to know this to be factual). He wants a freak, but has a hard time telling his wife he wants her to be a freak — like if she says “Sure, honey, I was waiting for you to ask…” he may think she was a freak with someone else (that is like the stupidest thing I have ever heard…but they really do think like that)… So men: please tell me why you don’t expect your wife to be a freak, but you have no problem going outside of the relationship to find a freak??? Makes no sense. I mean if you want a freak and are willing to risk your vows, marriage, and losing your wife in order to find one, then man up and walk away. You aren’t doing her any justice by staying. Ladies: if you are tolerating your man going outside of the marriage in order to fulfill his sexual desires (and believe me, they have plenty), is it really a marriage? or are you just going through the motions? Are you allowing him to creep so you can maintain the lifestyle you have grown accustomed to? Are you afraid you will be alone? Are you worried you will not find anyone better? What!? Why are you allowing this to happen? You can be the one he gets his freak on with — Or… better yet, he can be the one you get your freak on with… Give him every reason to stay put — because here’s the thing: Either you put it on him or someone else will. Bottom line. Sad to say, ladies – but it’s a fact. So, your choice is to either give him the hall pass or keep him in class (engage him in the learning process)… The choice is yours.
Trust is key to tapping in to the inner freak. Why? Because your inner freak is your deepest, wildest fantasies come to life — but with those fantasies comes the fear of rejection or worse — ridicule. Neither one can E.V.E.R. be present if the inner freak is to emerge. There has to be a sense of security and trust with that person to totally let your self be — well, freaky. Being freaky doesn’t mean porn. It can if that’s what your inner freak is. But when I say your inner freak, I mean letting yourself be you. Moving in a way that is carefree; not having to worry about what he will think of you naked; not having to worry about what he will think if you try something new; letting yourself be open to new ideas and/or things he is wanting to try on you; letting yourself be open to new ideas and/or things he is wanting you to try on him. There can be no fear! That’s the beauty of the inner freak…. It just is.
Being intimate is part of the inner freak. The goal is to make his toes curl — and his goal should be to make your toes curl. Toes curl?! What are you talking about? The utopia of freakiness is when you are in the moment and you feel it all the way in your toes — it’s like you can’t get enough and want more — it becomes that necessity like food, water and air I was talking about earlier.
This is where most women trip up and perhaps the number one reason men venture outside the relationship: Ladies, give your man some dam head! It’s not rocket science, it not gross, it’s not a deal breaker. Well, let me back up — you can SAY it’s a deal breaker…. but if you do, EXPECT him to get it somewhere else. That is a guarantee…. So, once again, you have a choice: You can put all types of demands on your man “I’m NOT doing that….” “You better NOT get this anywhere else! Mk (that’s one of my favorites..) — you get the idea. Men do not like to be given an ultimatum. You can give them one, but expect push back. You may not see the push back, but I can guarantee it is there.
Men are boys in grown bodies… Boys like to touch and play with things — Men like to touch and play with things. They like to win. They are competitive. They want the best of the best of whatever it is. THEY ARE VISUAL. So what does this all mean? Polish your nails, paint your toe nails, keep your feet soft, lotion up every day after the shower, ditch the cotton briefs (panty lines are N.E.V.E.R in style or attractive — E.V.E.R) and try lace boy shorts or cheekies (I prefer cheekies, but that’s just me). Keep the ho-hum bras for the gym and grunge day around the house (we all have those days), but choose the lace or pretty bras instead.Get measured and properly fitted for a bra at Victoria’s Secret (measurements are free). If you can afford Victoria’s Secret – do it! Men LOVE seeing the pink Vicky’s bag — because they know what that store is all about (bringing out the inner freak). Men love to know you took time for them. They are big babies and want to feel wanted, needed, appreciated, and yes, like they have conquered you. Make them feel like a man. Put it on them like you never have before… You won’t be sorry — you might even learn to
like love it.
Your inner freak will not show if it is forced — it has to come out on its own. Your inner freak appears when the heart is in the right place. It takes a special vibe for the sexual you to come out — you won’t know until you try. You can’t try until you’re ready. You won’t be ready until your tired of the way things are.
Love yourself. Love your body. Tap into and love your inner freak. He’ll be glad you did :)