The Debacle of Dating

I used to think that if I did not have a date or “steady other,” then I was not complete.  I now know that is the furthest thing from the truth.  What makes a woman think that way? Why do we feel incomplete if we are not being adored and attended to 24/7?  I mean, seriously! What woman does not need a man!!??

ME! ….and you! That’s who!!

God has an amazing sense of humor and is an outstanding teacher. He allows us to fall—in hopes of understanding why we fell in the first place in order to stand on our own in the future.  For me, that meant learning to love myself enough to know that I am the only one that can complete me!

So, what does this have to do with dating? Everything! From what I have read thus far, the purpose of dating is to weed out the “unqualified” in search for the “qualified” candidate that may, one day, be your spouse (at least in theory)…

After 20 plus years of verbal and emotional abuse from my spouse, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way he was treating both myself and my kids (they are technically our kids, but when the line is drawn in the sand, they are my kids). 

When you are married, you are entering a time in your life where a Godly contract has been set in place and you are both “signing” the contract by stating, before God and your friends/family, that yes, I will abide by these “rules” – AKA ..VOWS!  What most couples today do not realize is the vows are no longer taken seriously. It is like marriage is just another act….something we have to “get ready for” – and even that has become a parade of sorts.  Ordering the largest cake, buying the most expensive dress, renting the most sought after venue for the reception – and bypassing your local church for the “ultimate” Godly experience for everyone to see and envy.  Marriage should not be about envy, jealously, pressure, or anything else in between. Marriage should be simple, pure, honest, and acted upon strictly from the heart and soul. Period!!

 I am not a fan of marriage and seriously do not plan on taking that walk again; however, I am being told I need to “get back out there” and give dating a shot.  Here is my take on men: To me, all men are shady in some way, shape, or form.  And to those men that declare they are “not like those other guys,” maybe you aren’t – but, you are still shady. The only difference is your shadiness appears in a different manner – at a different time.  Gentlemen, please feel free to chime in on my take on men. I am open-minded and will be happy to hear your side.  I am speaking from experience and have learned that I have yet to find a man whose actions match their words more times than not. 

I have made plenty of mistakes, some of which were very costly; however, the one thing that has remained constant is my sense of self and how I view men. If anything, my journey has caused me to search for the red flags up front – as I now know what I will tolerate, won’t tolerate, what is negotiable in a relationship and what is an absolute deal breaker.    

I am honest and loyal to a fault and truly believe in commitment – which is why I do not really date. Too many men begin with the physical, starting from the bottom (no pun intended) and working their way up to the top — to me, that’s annoying as hell!  While physical attraction plays a factor, I tend to start at the top (I want to know what’s in the brain…) and work my way to the bottom….     I know in the first few seconds of meeting you whether or not I could be intimate with a person (I guess you could say it’s the vibe)…. If I don’t feel a positive vibe, friends is all we will be—  I don’t want or need you to take me to dinner, because you aren’t getting anything out of it — so you might as well save your money and spend it on someone that will give you something out of it. 

Perhaps I just haven’t met the right man… Perhaps.  Perhaps I am still enjoying my “ME” time and that currently does not involve any type of man. 



6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. GingerSnaap
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 15:47:09

    Very well said, my friend! You Rock!


    • 2ventornot2vent
      Feb 04, 2012 @ 21:45:11

      Aww – thank you! It’s because of you that I rock! 🙂 I FINALLY was able to find your blog 🙂 don’t judge lol – left a post (but of course, not where in the right location.. : /

      Love you, sugarmama! 🙂


  2. El Guapo
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 16:15:32

    Makes sense that if you don’t want to date, you shouldn’t. Go you for rejecting what other people say and doing what you feel is right!
    Fortunately, the only woman I date is my wife, and that’s always fun – even if it’s just a date to go get groceries.


  3. Hunter Fox
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 17:29:37

    Hi I’m Hunter Fox, I run a dating advice column geared to men. However, women still use my column to be specific of what is the perfect man.

    In your situation, I understand your view as it is based on an experience with an abusive spouse. Wrong man.

    It’s good to decide what you want, such as staying single. but you can stay single and still have fun. Remember, WOMEN are the rejectors, not the men (Until they learn my teachings).

    First, you’re not intent on staying single. You said “perhaps”, so you’re on the fence about what you want; and we know that you just want the perfect guy. Hard to find huh?

    Read my column on, I have a few articles that will especially help you in knowing what the perfect man is and what things to look for. Loved the blog!

    Hunter Fox


    • 2ventornot2vent
      Feb 04, 2012 @ 12:50:01

      Hi Hunter –

      Thank you for the kind words and I am glad you like the blog. It is my first (of many) posts. I have learned so much (the hard weay)… Unfortunately, the few have ruind it for the many. My guard is up and I am OK with that right now. You can only have your heart handed to you on a platter so many times before you retract your heart altogether — that is where I am at this time. Mean people suck! Men that take advantage of women suck. Women that use their “goods” to get a man to do what they want suck!! I am an amazing woman that has made some critical mistakes based on how my ex made me feel about myself. I am here to tell you that how a male talks to and/or treats a female DOES dictate how a woman feels about herself; in turn, how a woman feels about herself is directly related to how she acts. What “should” happen often times doesn’t — as the heart has a mind of it’s own when in the driver’s seat. The wrong person can say the right thing — That is where I ended up and I refuse to go there again. I allowed it to happen and am taking full responsibility; as such, however, I am driven now by the red flags, instead of the goodness in someone; after all, I have found that goodness is subjective….

      I would totally love to learn more from your blog – Here is my take on males:
      Boys are immature
      guys are jerks
      men are rare…
      gentlemen are almost extint!

      Women need to man up – just as much as men do. We all become our own worst enemy at times…

      Thank you again!


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